A Travellerspoint blog

The Only Way is Essex

Ulaanbataar 21st October

I instantly recognise an accent, it is not often that you meet somebody from the UK in Central Asia. Mongolia is a place that is mainly full of adventurers, hikers, trekkers and horse riders. Since it is not part of the Canary Islands then it is hardly surprising that not many people in the UK have even heard of Mongolia. So I was surprised when I heard an accent I was familiar with. Me being quite candid and inquisitive I needed to know where this person was from.

It wasn’t strange that he answered that he was from Essex, it was slightly odd that every time he mentioned the word Essex, he would bring his fist slowly to his forehead and flex his bicep, impersonating an inanimate Greek Philosophical statue. Maybe somebody can explain this new phenomenon to me please, I have been away from the UK for what seems like a long time but in fact it has only been two months. If this is a new type of Cockney Signing Slang then someone should let me know.

If that is the case then what next? Rubbing the eyes and coughing every time you mention Middlesbrough, licking windows every time you mention Newcastle or even stabbing a guy in the Stomach randomly when you mention Glasgow….

I think or rather I hope that this peculiarity is strictly for the unfortunate residents of the Essex constituency. A TV programme once said that the only way is Essex, I agree, so let’s just keep it that way.

Article By David Beattie of Rounton Coffee

Posted by beatski 18:37 Archived in Mongolia Tagged tv mongolia essex Comments (1)


Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia 17th October

I have passed through Russia and Mongolia in a state of constant hunger. I have passed through Russia with little help from locals, little food on the plate and difficulty in finding decent fresh fruit on the shelves. Mongolia was surprisingly easier, but monotonous. So I wondered if those 2 months of stomach unrest would have helped me get to my fighting fit weight.

I was wondering about all of this when I walked by this guy, what an entrepreneur this guy is don’t you think?


What a great idea. He had a set of digital scales for public use, and all for the princely sum of 100 Mongolian Tugriks (that’s 5 pence). For that price I might even come back tomorrow. Maybe I’ll get myself on Dragons Den with this idea, ask Duncan what he thinks. “Nevermind Duncan for now I thought”, I stood on the scales.


82.4Kgs, and that’s assuming the accuracy of those scales. Having lost nearly 3 kilos I was ready for a feast, but then remembering I was in Mongolia, I'm really going to have to save the feast for later, much later, I don’t think China will help much…….

are you tempted by the sheep intestines
boiling stomach of sheep,perhaps?
Live Scorpion???
Sheep Penis?
Testicles anybody?
Mind you, I tried the Fried Silk worm….. and that’s all I wish to say about that.

Article By David Beattie of Rounton Coffee

Posted by beatski 18:14 Archived in Mongolia Tagged food sheep penis scorpion hunger intestines Comments (0)

Monglian Toilet Business

sunny 16 °C

Mongolia – Friday 14th October

Shit Houses

You thought the toilets at Glastonbury were bad? Well I have news for you Glastonbury goers. I have been to Glastonbury and I have managed to survive the stench bog pits in which the crusties make contemporary art exhibitions out of their own ecosystem waste-streams. The only thing that keeps you going when you’re in Glastonbury is knowing that this state of being is temporary. You know that come Monday, although you’ll not feel too good, too much apple cider and too little sleep, you know that once you get your car pulled out of the mud by a tractor, after the 10 hour wait to get out of the car park, followed by the 7 hour ride back home, you know that you can take a nice shower and use a nice toilet. This nice toilet of yours has running water and you don’t have to hold your breath, just imagine it. You can just sit back and procrastinate, maybe read last year’s April addition of Hello Magazine. That lavender potpourri, the ambient lighting, why not even have a little power nap?

Well, welcome to Mongolia people, and may I please introduce you to the Nomadic Mongolian Toilet.


These hygienic shit houses are found typically about 300 meters away from a nomadic family Ger camp, but you can also find them inside Monasteries or just outside of fast food outlets . If you ned the toilet just follow your nose, you wont be too far away from one. They are as basic as they come, a bloody big hole dug in the ground with some coarse boarding to protect what little pride you might have left. If you can’t find one of these then your out of luck. Mongolia is vast, really vast, and in some places it is really flat with not even a tumble weed to protect your vanity. You have to learn to go ‘au-natural’ pretty quickly in Mongolia.

Could you imagine what it would be like to have to use these family clap traps in -30 degree temperatures? How would Gerard Depardieu do it? I'm with Frenchy. Either way, it’s going to take a lot to convince me that there aren’t better ways to drop the kids off in the dead of night.

Bring out the good old bed pan.


Article By David Beattie of Rounton Coffee

Posted by beatski 19:40 Archived in Mongolia Tagged bed mongolia toilets pan Comments (1)

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